Christmas Fruitcakes
by Lotus.Under.Thorns
Summary: How much trouble can the boys get in during an innocent Christmas party? Will Sakura get over herself before Christmas Eve? 2 Part oneshot! Plz R&R! gets better as story progresses. :P
1. Part 1: The Stage is Set

_A/N: It's_ that time AGAIN! Another holiday another story!

_Disclaimer: _Don't own the characters or the songs that may be featured, but I do own... well I can't think of anything at the moment. I'll get back to you on that.

Enjoy and my Christmas/Season Greetings go out to you!

00000000000

"Merry CHRISTMAS Sakura!" Ino tapped energetically on her friend's living room window and pressed her face against the cold glass. Her breath formed clouds of steam around the iced corners.

Sakura looked up and was startled by the sight. "INO?" She ran to her door and let her in along with a rush of cold wind.

As soon as Ino was inside her mood changed drastically. It was as if the kindness melted from her. "Took you long enough!" She rubbed her red nose and nearly toppled Sakura over.

"Sorry. What were you doing out there anyway?"

"I came to drop off your present of course." She spun around to face Sakura and tossed off her heavy coat and long scarf onto her unknowing hostess' open arms.

"…And get mine duh!"

Ino walked further into the warm room and investigated a plate of cookies and tea.

"But it's not even Christmas..."

"Shhh. I know that! But it _is _Christmas Eve. Close enough, right?" From the platter her fingers casually chose an interesting white dessert.

"I suppose. Hold on let me go get your gift." She disappeared with Ino's things and headed to her room.

Ino nodded and swayed to the music coming from the radio with the cookie dangling from her mouth. The majority of the stations had jumped on the bandwagon and chose to play _only _Christmas music.

_Sakura must've finally given up avoiding it. Who _doesn't _play Christmas music on Christmas Eve? _Ino finished up her cookie and looked to the plate for a second helping. Under it she couldn't help noticing a list.

_Hmm. Christmas list? Let's see if I got her what she wanted. _

She grabbed it from beneath the metal and realized it _wasn't _a list of wanted gifts... but a list of names and addresses.

_What the heck is she doing with _this_? And why is Sasuke on it?! _

"Here you go Ino. Sorry it took so long but I forgot where I put it." Sakura held a neatly wrapped box over Ino's shoulder. The sparkling ribbon captured her attention momentarily.

"Oo thanks." She snatched it and tossed the list back on the table.

"Should we open them now?" Sakura fiddled with the pink wrapping.

"Why not? Now's as good a time as any." Ino herself was becoming impatient and tore the paper. Sakura followed.

Within seconds both were brandishing new hair accessories. "I guess we think alike." Sakura smiled. "Yeah. This is great! Sasuke's gonna _love_ it." Ino said in a singsong tone playing with her new kanzashi.

Both were silent for a moment and stared intently at one another. Suddenly the thought of the list returned to Ino.

"Sakura..." She began slowly not to upset her friend or think she was snooping in fear of having her gift taken away.

"Yes?"

Another lengthy pause. "What's that list for?"

"Oh this one?" Sakura pointed to the table. Ino nodded. "Christmas cards. Why?"

A weight was lifted off her shoulders, "No reason. Just curious."

"Yeah. I still have to send out one to Naruto and one to Sas..."

The 50-lbs. barbell was dropped back onto Ino. "When were you gonna send it?!"

"Today of course! It's already late as it is."

"You already have one then?" Ino said miserably. _How could I forget about Christmas? I _never _forget to send my hottie a card. _

"Well," Sakura's face turned a shade extremely similar to her hair color. "I was _going _to make him one today. I have this new program on my computer where you can turn a picture into a..."

"Oo can I make one, too?" Ino sat forward eagerly.

"Um... well I guess so. But I kinda..."

Ino's waving hand silenced her once she heard what she wanted. "Thanks Sakura! You're terrific! Let's start right now!"

"Hehe." She laughed nervously. "Umm... what did you have in mind exactly?"

Ino grinned back. "Let's take a look at those clothes of yours. Grab the camera and follow me!"

0000000000

"Ino I'm having second thoughts."

Ino turned to her companion on their way to the post center. She had a frown on her face.

"Second thoughts about what?"

She fidgeted with the envelope. "Sending the _card. _It's not very appropriate..."

Ino gave a huffy sigh and put her hand on Sakura's shoulder. "Sakura, this is for _Sasuke. _It's not just any guy. Besides it's Christmas and we spent a _long _time getting it right. All guys _dream _of getting something like this." And in a single flash, the card was torn from Sakura's gloved hands and stuffed into a mailbox.

"Ahh! Ino!"

"Too late Sakura. No need to thank me." Ino took hold of Sakura's elbow and led her away from the box. "Now then... let's go back to your house and have some cookies."

00000 In the Quiet District of a Well-known/Well-worshipped Hottie of Naruto Fangirls 00000

"On the first day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me:  
A partridge in a pear tree..."

The tube socked teenager lounging on an over stuffed armchair slumped lower into the warm blanket he had wrapped around himself. Most of the homes were not well insulated but Sasuke was convinced his was especially frigid.

"_On the second day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me:  
Two turtledoves,  
and a partridge in a pear tree..._"

_Not now. It's too early. _Sasuke peered at the clock a ways away and noted the time. _I _hate _carolers. _

Naruto was a persistent bugger so of course he wouldn't leave his teammate be. _Especially _on Christmas Eve. Besides, he was too busy singing terribly. The song wouldn't have been so tormenting if her didn't attempt the Muppet version of the Christmas song.

"On the third day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me:  
Three French hens,  
Two turtledoves,  
and a partridge in a pear tree..."

Go away damnit!

Naruto continued from outside the screen.

"_On the fourth day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me:  
Four calling birds,  
Three French hens,  
Two turtledoves,  
and a partridge in a pear tree. _

On the fifth day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me:  
Five goldennnn ringssss! Badamp-bamp-bamp!  
Four calling birds,  
Three French hens,  
Two turtle doves,  
and a partridge in a pear tree..."

"Kuso Naruto. Leave me alone." He muttered under his breath and pulled his feet closer to his body. No one in this weather and their right mind would venture from the comfort of their home. Sasuke was no different.

Although, his home was freezing for some reason (hence the socks). He listened drearily to the deafening tone of Naruto's shrill voice.

"_On the eighth day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me:  
Eight maids a-milking,  
Seven swans a-swimming,  
Six geese a-laying,  
Five goldennnn ringssss! Badamp-bamp-bamp!  
Four calling birds,  
Three French hens,  
Two turtle doves,  
and a partridge in a pear tree..._"_  
_

When enough was finally enough, the Uchiha managed to tear himself away from the chair that was probably the only thing in the house warmer than 20 degrees. He stomped across the wood floor as fast as his numb legs allowed.

"_On the tenth day of Christmas,  
My true love gave to me:  
Ten lords a-leaping,  
Nine ladies dancing,  
Eight maids a..._"

"ENOUGH!" Sasuke threw open the front door and glared out. A stunned Iruka and thrilled Naruto looked back at him. Both held caroling books. _  
_

"Merry Christmas Sasuke-kun." Iruka smiled cheerfully from under a fluffy Santa hat.

Sasuke grimaced at the happy-go-lucky pair. He seriously considered destroying the books, but then where would the two go? Into _his _house.

Naruto showed all his teeth and greeted him bluntly. "Sasuke are you wearing PANTS?"

_Always skips straight to pure loser. _"Yes idiot. Why wouldn't I be..."

Naruto opened his mouth to retort but Iruka interrupted.

"...And a Happy New Year! I haven't seen you in a while, how are you?" Apparently he didn't want a fight to erupt.

"_Fine._" Sasuke said through his teeth.

"Did you like the song? We didn't finish it. Wanna go caroling with us?!"

"You're welcome to join us!" The Chunin added and motioned to the books.

Sasuke stared at the bright faces. "No."

Naruto laughed. "C'mon! It's fuuunnn!"

"Of course it is. I'm busy."

"Oh. _Right. _You're always busy with something! That's not gonna happen today Sasuke, it's almost Christmas you know you wanna!"

"Get doors slammed in my face all day. Entertaining but I'm going to pass."

Naruto pouted and Iruka wrinkled his nose at the snow that began to fall onto his vest. "That's understandable. Come on Naruto. The snow's starting to fall and we still have a lot more houses to go."

"Okay Iruka-sensei! Hey Sasuke, I'm having a party tonight. Come over okay?" He grunted lazily at the order.

The two carolers turned and headed towards the other homes that lined the streets. "Naruto how many times do I have to tell you? I'm not your teacher anymore..."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and slammed the screen shut. Spending the entire evening at Naruto's home wasn't even in the back of his mind. He crossed the cold boards to his chair but had to turn when there was a knock on the door.

"WHAT?!" Sasuke was about to lose it. The postman made a funny face and took one look at Sasuke wrapped in his quilt. As strange a sight it was; he could tell he was in no mood to be messed with.

"Uh... here. Mer-merry Christmas!" An over decorated envelope was shoved at him and the messenger stumbled off without a backward glance.

Sasuke screamed after him in distress, "Is it?! I HAVEN'T NOTICED!" He savagely tore the paper and a card slipped out. Cursing madly he snatched the card and stomped inside.

His blood ran cold at the sight of what had been sent to him. Sasuke held a picture of Sakura and Ino dressed in skimpy bras with the letter "H" or "O" on each cup and topped off with the cliche Santa hats. Between them they held up a sign that finished off "Ho Ho Ho".

The irony was too much to hold in. A smile parted his lips at their own labeling. But when he opened the card, it quickly disappeared.

Inside there was a somewhat threatening note:

_To Our Santa Baby,_

_Merry Christmas hottie! We'll be coming down _your _chimney tonight. So wait for us around 11:00 and we'll bring the mistletoe... and a little more. Don't try to return _this _gift 'cause we'll find you! _And we mean it. _We'll be looking for you Sasuke!_

_XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO+infinity!!!_

_Sakura + _I_n_o

Christmas had become an entirely sick joke.

First Naruto's invitation and torturous duet. Now stalkers. _Skanky _stalkers.

Sasuke threw the letter onto the chair and flew towards his room. There was no other way around it. If he wished to maintain _some _level of dignity he couldn't just wait until 11:00 came and went painfully.

He desperately grabbed clothes and put them on. Something in the back of his mind had taken the note to heart. Yes, Sasuke was aware of Sakura's far inferior skill in tracking. But when it came to determination of both Sakura _and _Ino, he couldn't take any chances.

He had to run.

00000 In the Outskirts of Konoha 00000

"Kankuro…"

Temari's voice rang through the apartment her and her brothers were staying in for the time being.

He ducked and slid down into the sofa, trying to avoid her at all costs. All day she had been after the remote. Now her show was coming on and guess who had the controller.

"_There _you are! Okay give it up." Temari peered at him from above the couch and held out her hand.

Kankuro looked at her with a smirk. "Give wha"

"Oh shut up you _know _what. Now hand it over and there won't be any trouble."

"Trouble? What can you do to me?"

Temari pondered this for a few moments and Kankuro turned his attention back to The Grinch movie that had been playing back-to-back-to-back-to-back all morning long.

She seized this perfect opportunity and tore the device from his grasp.

"Hey!"

"Ha-ha-ha." Temari snickered cruelly as she flipped through the channels.

"How am I going to find out who stole Christmas now?" Kankuro gave her a look of concern.

"You've watched this all day. I think you could put two and two together. Move."

He shrugged. "I haven't been paying close attention to it."

"It was a _five hour _marathon you idiot! The movie is a half-hour. How can you miss the ending of all ten showings?"

His mouth opened to retaliate when a loud voice seemed to drift from nowhere.

"_It's a marshmallow world in the winter…!_

"What the hell's that?" Kankuro said bluntly.

Temari shrugged. "Sounds like it's coming from outside…"

"Go check."

"And leave my remote? I don't think so!"

"…_When the snow comes to cover the ground  
It's the time for play, it's a whipped cream dayyy  
I wait for it the whole year rounddd…_

Kankuro grimaced and put his hands over his ears, staring intently at the television. Temari was getting red in the face.

"Kami Temari. Go out there and make 'em stop!"

"_NO!_"

So on went the bickering. And the sluggish lyrics continued to pour in louder as the song progressed.

…_Those are marshmallow clouds being friendly  
In the arms of the evergreen treeeeeeees…_

"_TEMARI!!_" Kankuro was nearly begging her now. "_MAKE IT STOP!_"

…_And the sun is red like a _pumpkin_ head  
It's shining so your nose won't freeze!_

"Argh!" He crumpled himself up in a corner of the couch. Temari clicked the volume button on the remote desperately, cursing under her breath.

…_The world is your snowball, see how it grows  
That's how it goes whenever it snows…!  
_

Gaara strolled out of his locked room and took a look around. He too heard the painfully drowsy tune and had come out to investigate.

Kankuro's fetal position didn't seem to help much and Temari was running out of bars of volume on the screen at a frightening rate.

…_The world is your snowball just for a song  
Get out and roll it alonggg!_

"Caroler."

The older two looked at the redhead whose eyes narrowed at the sight of Naruto singing outside the building. 

…It's a YUM_-_YUMMY_ world made for shhweetheartsss  
_

"_Uzumaki_." Gaara snarled.

"Huh?" Kankuro removed his hands and perked up. "_That _retard? Oh jigoku no…" He rolled off the cushions and crept to the window. Gaara moved over and watched the older throw open the window.

_Take a walk with your favorite girrrrlllll  
It's a sugar da... _Oh hey Kankuro! What's up?!"

His nose wrinkled and his eyes became slits. "Get out of here Uzumaki!"

Naruto looked hurt. "What? I'm just spreading some Christmas spirit…"

"Yeah well we don't want any!" Feeling pleased with himself he reached to slam the window shut.

"You sand guys SUCK!" Naruto shouted from the street.

"You Konohans swallow!"

SLAM!

"Nice one Kankuro."

Kankuro grinned at Temari. "I thought so…"

FWUMP!

A HUGE snowball exploded onto the glass. "He didn't get the picture." Gaara pointed out. "_Sigh._" Temari snickered.

"_YOU _do it then. Not like you can do any better."

Gaara shrugged and forced the window open again.

Surprisingly, Naruto was still standing there forming a second snowball to launch. He dropped it when he saw Gaara and started waving enthusiastically.

"Merry Christmas!"

Gaara chose his words carefully before answering to the greeting...

...No words came so he kept his tongue, knowing Naruto would continue anyway.

"Cold ain't it? At least we have a white Christmas. Remember a few years back... wait no you probably don't because you weren't here. In Sunagakure do they have snow? Haha of course not right?"

Gaara blinked and watched falling snow melt on his hands. He despised, loathed and cursed it. It was a mystery why anyone would want it for a holiday. Naruto jabbered on as he pondered.

"...Fat and red? Seriously! How can he fit down _these _chimneys! I don't think he can lose _that _much _that _fast. If he does I think Kankuro should get some pointers from him! Hahaha."

(_A/N: _Kankuro is _not _fat. He's just muscular that's all.)

When Gaara had had enough of not doing anything but glare at snow he moved to shut the glass.

"Wait! I'm getting some people together tonight. Wanna come over?"

Gaara paused.

(_A/N: _And what happened then...?  
Well...in Who-ville they say  
That Gaara's small heart  
Grew three sizes that day!)

"No." Or not. In a flash the glass was down and Gaara gone.

"PARTY?!"

Out of NO where Lee jumped out from behind a tree wrapped up in lights. "I'll come, I'll come, I'll come!" He hopped up and down, his foot getting increasingly tangled with each jump.

Naruto's jaw hung loosely and his eyes followed the bouncing spy. "Who says _you're _invited bushy brows?"

He stopped and his eyes began to water.

"You're a creep."

"True. But that is no reason to not invite me!"

"Uh... yeah it is."

Lee thought. "I'll bring egg nog and cookiessss!"

"Hmm. Cookies?" Naruto rubbed his chin. "Hmmm. Okay!"

"Yippee-kai-_YO!_"

"But they better be good. See you at 9." And Naruto left to finish up his caroling by himself.

0000000000000

_A/N: _The reason Iruka is not with him is that Naruto took their weekly stop at the ramen stand as a Christmas present and he took advantage of that. Poor Iruka did not bring enough so he is there washing dishes in the back.

Part 1 Done! As you can tell, there's a lot of music in this one. I guess you could consider it a musical. The Marshmallow World song is probably one of the most annoying songs out there! So I had to add it.

Merry Christmas... Eve! Please review I'll take it as my Christmas gift. ; )


	2. Part 2: Egg Nog!

_A/N: _Okay! Not exactly in time but it's not too late right? As you already know I do NOT own ANY names, brands, etc. added in for effect. This was thrown together so forgive me if it doesn't exactly seem realistic... as it's not meant to be.

0000 At Naruto's Apartment 0000 

The guests had arrived and a fairly large crowd had come, and not empty handed either. Tons of different foods were laid out in various places.

Naruto went from place to place searching for the desserts.

"Lee where's your cookies? I thought that was the deal if I let you come."

"Right here." He pulled out a plate of decorative cutouts. "They're anise."

Naruto made a face, "ANUS? What are you trying to do?!"

"_Anise. _Yes. They are very good."

"You're gross! Gimme those!" Naruto snatched the plate. "You're lucky I don't kick you out for almost getting someone sick!"

"But...but..."

"Exactly! Not in cookies!" He walked to the nearest garbage pile and threw the entire plate down. Lee looked like he was about to break down.

Naruto on the other hand was proud of himself. "Hah. There. It's all taken care of. You know bushy brows... for being gay you _sure _can't cook. Even _I _know better!"

"But those took me _forever!_"

0000 Sakura's House 0000

"I thought we said 11 Ino."

"We did." Ino was going through a bag she had ran home and filled with countless candles and bras.

"But it's only 9. Why are you getting all this stuff together?"

Ino looked up with disbelieving eyes. "Sakura! I am a _gorgeous _single virgin. Don't you think Sasuke'll be intimidated? He's gonna run I can feel it. So the faster we get to his home the better."

"Oh right." Sakura smiled sneakily and went to her drawers.

0000 Back at Naruto's 0000

Sasuke had isolated himself in a corner watching the others fool around. It seemed that his plan had worked, but the night was still young. He tried to keep his mind off of the two girls by people watching.

Somehow the majority of the teams had showed up. Choji was sampling all the mixed dishes behind Shikamaru who was listening half heartedly to Kiba's far-fetched tale of one of his missions.

Naruto was arguing with Lee about the stollen bread; going off on a tangent about how stealing was wrong and he was shocked Lee would do something like that on Christmas. Across the room Kankuro was seated lazily on the couch holding a bottle of what Sasuke swore was rum.

His brother was staring out the window with Christmas lights reflecting in his eyes and Neji (who had come with Lee) had chosen a spot closer to Sasuke. Neither said a word to one another and that didn't bother them the least bit.

Time passed and 10 came and went. Sasuke began to loosen up a tad; doubting there was any possibility of Sakura discovering his whereabouts now.

Kiba came out of the kitchen holding a large bowl of egg nog and an even larger stack of plastic cups. Things were about to get interesting.

The container was set on a table that had been cleared off.

"This is the sickest whatever in the world!" Kiba pointed accusingly and Akamaru barked out for the attention of the room. "I bet I could out drink ANYONE here."

The room went quiet as all sized up the punch bowl.

"You're on."

Gaara looked over at his brother and rolled his eyes at the scene. A few cheers encouraged Kankuro to not stop there.

"But first I think it needs something..." He reached for the alcohol and held it up for the room to see. With the approval of the other guests the _entire _bottle was dumped in. Kiba grinned toothily and got an idea.

"Hey, why not nog pong instead?"

The guys laughed and began challenging one another the way guys do. Bets were being yelled out from every corner of the apartment.

Naruto was the center of attention with his big mouth, _especially _when he challenged Sasuke to _six _consecutive glasses.

Sasuke frowned. All eyes were on him now.

The room grew silent and the air took on an anxious feel. After what seemed ages, Sasuke closed his eyes and laughed.

"Six? It's egg nog you loser." His eyes gleamed with excitement. "You'll be drinking _eight _by the time I finish with you."

Even Neji looked interested. Who could drink eight glasses of _plain _egg nog let alone rum enhanced?

The table was set up and the ping pong balls were out. Naruto bellowed out the rules. "Okay since this is _my _house we play my way. Everyone HAS to be challenged once at least. No teams just rivals. If you call someone out and specify the number of glasses and _don't _meet that goal of hitting you have to drink that amount..."

The group around the table nodded and fidgeted.

"...And a half. If the challenged wins then the loser has to drink the amount and a half too. Then if BOTH drink their amounts, BOTH win. "

0000000000

"Inoooo. Where IS he?!" Sakura sat hopelessly on Sasuke's front step. Ino bounced up and down trying to keep warm while finding a way inside.

"Ugh! I don't know but if he doesn't show himself soon I'm leaving."

Sakura sighed loudly in agreement. "Where could he be? We already combed all the alleys, side streets and forest we could think of. We were taken as prostitutes three times!"

Ino growled. "Yeah. That was _not _cool."

"You know, I think I'm gonna head home. I'll try tomorrow morning when he'll be _just _waking up."

"Good idea... But how will I know if you're telling the truth? You could go out later tonight and have Sasuke all tired by the time I get there! I'm staying at your house!"

Sakura got up and began walking back, "Okay, okay Ino pig. Come on."

00000000000

Kiba watched Kankuro with bloodshot eyes. He had shot a perfect six cups and Kankuro had slugged down each one, winning a good amount of yen. Kiba growled angrily and took the nine cups he was punished with making it a tie.

While he was keeping it all down, Neji and Lee began. But before any pings were ponged, Lee laid out his demands.

"Twenty cups!"

Everyone looked at him as if he had turned as orange as his leg warmers and sprouted a second head.

"Twenty? That's crazy. No one can do _that _many..." Kiba choked.

"TWENTY!" Lee screeched out. He clenched his fist and jabbed the Hyuga. "I will defeat you for once! There is no way I can lose!"

"You can't handle sake. How can you take thirty rounds of half vodka." Gaara was staring out the window again.

"WHAT?!" Lee twirled around. "Okay outsider! I challenge _YOU _to... _FORTY-FIVE _nogs! And DO NOT underestimate me!" Even without any alcohol in his system Lee was acting like a drunken idiot.

A grin pulled Gaara's lips upward. His eyes bore onto Lees. "Sixty seven and a half. Can your body even handle that? Weakling."

"Guh! It can handle that and more! But not ONE drop of egg nog will touch _my _lips!"

Lee began shooting ping-pong balls into the cups madly.

One...two...three...four...

Onlookers held their breath.

...Sixteen...seventeen...eighteen...

It looked like Neji was out of luck.

...Nineteen...twenty.

Pity sighs and laughter swept the table. Neji took the glasses one by one. If he took every glass Lee would have to match it with ten extra.

Sasuke caught Naruto's cruel glare. Both knew thanks to Lee the stakes were inflated to twice as much now.

A third of the way through the glasses Neji stopped. Lee cried out happily and hopped onto the wood motioning to Gaara to come and accept the challenge.

He came to the table's edge and stared crossly.

"I have a bet." Lee declared for all to hear. "Who's with Gaara?"

The entire crowd shouted.

"I _thought _so. Well in that case I don't suppose you'll have any objection to me placing my own bet." It was silent so he continued.

"I bet that if I win you all have to strip to your underwear! But if _Gaara _wins..."

"...You have to stand outside and declare yourself the biggest gay in the world!"

"No no! You have to force yourself on Sakura!"

"Haha! Wait I have a better one, you have to go up to that retarded sensei of yours and refuse to listen to him for an entire month!"

Lee hushed them. "_Shhh! _Gaara must choose."

"...Pain does not affect you. Nor does embarrassment... Acceptance is _your _downfall. If I win you can no longer dress as your foolish sensei and you will come out about what you really do when you 'practice' privately with him."

"We do practice!"

Gaara gave him a disapproving look. It was always a rumor there was more to Gai and Lee's relationship than they claimed. Now was everyone's chance of finding out the truth.

"Save your answer for after you lose."

They bent over the table with tension as their barriers. Lee began launching.

For ten minutes a volley of ping-pong balls sped across into plastic cups. As impossible as it seemed, Lee ended up hitting 45 balls. Even more unbelievable was Gaara drank all 45 glasses.

And Lee mustered up enough strength to push past the gag reflex and down 67 and a half cups.

Just watching it made the audience sick. They were running out of egg nog, shockingly enough.

As Naruto had set down in the rules, both won. Lee threw himself into a screaming frenzy about how he _needed _to dress like Gai to fulfill his dreams and the party groaned as clothes were shed.

Speaking of Naruto, he and his own opponent were next.

00000000000

"Sakura don't I look _awesome _in this? Moreso than you anyway." Ino came out with a bath robe. Her long blonde hair was up in a towel.

"What's _your _problem? Other than the usual I mean." She caught Sakura staring out at the slowly falling snow.

"Nothing really. I just wonder where Sasuke _is. _It's 1 A.M. and I'm just thinking now... what if he was out preparing?"

"What do you mean? Like getting flowers, candles, condoms, bubble bath, that sort of thing?"

"Exactly. What if he was all excited and we never showed?! I can't believe we left so early Ino! Now his _whole _night is ruined no doubt."

00000000000

The apartment was wild with laughter. It was a good thing for once that Naruto had no neighbors.

The party had become so drunk that no one could keep track of the number of glasses poured or the amount of ping pong balls tossed. They were all drinking for pure enjoyment, or if not, then for the desire to _escape_ the enjoyment.

Take Lee for example. He was extremely disturbing when tipsy and a lot of the boys drank to get away from the pain they'd normally feel while sober and around him. When drunk the comments about their underwear didn't seem so sickening.

Thought they all wore _very _nice boxers. (_A/N: _I feel a _tangent _coming on!)

Sasuke had become drunk. Cranky, yet drunk nonetheless. He was rocking back and forth in a wooden chair wearing nothing more than a pair of black boxers with a string of glow-in-the-dark lightbulbs around the waistband. (_A/N: _Yes they were glowing in a variety of colors. What kind of author would I be if they weren't?)

Kiba had collapsed beneath the table in his comical boxers graffitied with the phrase "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire." After demanding a rematch Kankuro wasn't looking too sober himself. Kiba had proved to be a worthy drinker. The eldest son of the Kazekage chose a spot _behind _the couch to ward off a hangover.

Gaara stumbled over Kankuro's body clad in _A Christmas Story _underwear with a large target on the front with big bold green letters on the band that read "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out." He didn't notice Kankuro. Afterall on the way to the bathroom, in black boxers with a demonic nutcracker on the front, you don't care to acknowledge your brother.

Shikamaru was probably one of the least gone guests. Well, at least he could still focus on certain things. He rolled his neck and peered at Choji (modeling a pair of Abominable Snowman boxers. Gotta love those Bumbles.) and then returned his attention to the soft pillow resting above his reindeer under garment.

Lee (red boxer briefs with the words "Snowbunny" printed on the butt) and Neji (plain dusty blue with a picture of Snoopy and his decorated doghouse in the corner) were mumbling about a very pointless issue of some sort.

Naruto 'strutted' over to Sasuke with his Miser Brother boxers that had "I'm Too Much" printed across the bottom. No doubt he was going to rub his unofficial success in his teammates face.

The nog was gone and it seemed so was the fun. Up until the point when things really got confusing.

A you can imagine a fight erupted between Sasuke and Naruto. Kiba was 'woken' by the yelling with a splitting headache. On his way over to the kitchen cabinets for medicine he tripped over Akamaru and landed by Kankuro.

"Shit _you _again..."

"Tch. I ain't near _you_."

Kankuro weakly shoved him and used him as support when trying to get up.

"_Hey! _Get offa me..."

He didn't reply. Instead he looked around for Gaara and seeing he was no where in sight, moved on. By moving on I mean throwing the door open and bolting out to welcome the first signs of the day after.

Kankuro sighed and wiped his mouth with disgust. He looked out over the railing and managed a smile and wave at a passing girl. Most likely she wasn't a very well respected girl but that didn't stop him from flirting.

Kiba, having heard Kankuro get sick, felt nauseous himself. He nearly collided with him when he ran outside too.

Kankuro leaned on the railing where Kiba was slung over.

"I'm gonna go streaking... wanna come?" He said drunkenly.

Kiba murmured an "Okay."

"_Great._ I'll go find more guys."

The traditional time passer caught the attention of many.

"Yeah that's a great idea believe it! I'm in!"

Lee stopped yelling and took this as another way to prove himself. "ME TOO! I'LL RUN THE FASTEST _AND _THE NUDEST!"

They stared. "_Right... _I'm going."

"Hehehe." Naruto hiccuped and squinted at Sasuke. "How buh you?"

"No. I'll stay..."

"Shuurrreee you will Sasuke." The boys began filing (falling) out making a loud raucous in the halls. A few times someone would fall down a flight of stairs and cause a huge uproar of laughter and clanging metal.

Naruto couldn't stand still. He whined for Sasuke to come along. Even though he was considerably drunk he still had enough sense not to go out in the freezing winter weather.

"You leave me _no _choice. You're coming it's my party!" Naruto snapped. He shed his boxers and grabbed Sasuke's clothes strewn on the ground and flew out the door screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Crap! NARUTOOOO!" Sasuke ran after him hoping to catch him before he reached one of the main streets.

0000

Kiba was in the lead with Kankuro jogging behind enjoying himself fully. They ran across the well-lit streets decorated with holiday lights. Lee ran to catch up with Kankuro.

"You know, if you grew your hair out longer..." He whispered in Kankuro's terrified ear. "I'd have to tackle you."

Kankuro stopped abruptly causing Lee to fly forward on the thick ice and fall on his back. 

"What's that mean?!"

"Ohh nothinggg... Actually it _does _mean _something _though I don't think you would appreciate hearing it."

"Believe me I _would._"

Kiba ran over noticing no one was behind him. "What's up?"

Kankuro stared at Lee. "Go on."

The two boys looked down at the extreme drunk. "I'm a sucker for guys with long hair and smexy bodies. Oh Kankuro! Make love to me!"

Kiba and Kankuro jumped backward avoiding Lee's waving arms. "I'm gonna be sick!" Kankuro nodded slowly in agreement. His reputation was scratched. There was no way this would be taken lightly.

"Get up Lee. You're gone."

"What? I'm right here!" Kankuro grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to his feet. He was considering giving him a black eye, but that wouldn't last long enough. And then he saw it and lowered his fist in a trance.

The perfect curves, most amazing blues Kankuro ever saw. He smiled and horrible thoughts filled his mind. All he could think about was how great he'd feel after going through with it when he went home to enjoy the rest of Christmas. It spun around and around gracefully to a song only heard by itself.

Kankuro rolled his neck and made his move approaching the lawn.

0000 Sakura's Room 0000

"It's okay Sakura. Christmas isn't over yet! We still have time..."

"No we don't Ino! Everything's RUINED!" She buried her tear stained face in her pillow.

Ino frowned. For all she knew Sakura could be right. "I'll get us some cookies."

When the door was shut Sakura lifted her head and walked gloomily to the window. Again the thoughts of Sasuke filled her. For a moment she considered running to his home. She was desperate to see him.

0000 Only Three Streets Over 0000

"Get BACK here _NOW!_"

"What so you can beat me up? Nahhh. You can't catch me Sasuke!" Naruto laughed childishly and made the hand signs Sasuke had worried about.

BOOM!

Suddenly there were at least one hundred Naruto's all with a pile of Sasuke's clothes.

"Hn! You think that's hard? I'll get you in no ti... What the? My Sharingan!" Sasuke attempted to use the Uchiha gift but couldn't. It seemed all that drinking did it in for Sasuke afterall. Every time he tried to use it things seemed to go in slow motion.

"HAHAHA! Come and GET ME!" Naruto ran off again like a maniac in all different directions.

Sasuke snarled and tried his hand following a group of clones.

0000 Two Streets From Sakura's House 0000

"Hahaha. Wicked right in front of some random house!"

Kankuro wiped off his hands and grinned deviously. "Whoever they are, they're in for one heck of a Christmas gift tomorrow morning. Let's go!"

And they went on their way, leaving Lee inside an inflatable snow globe with dancing snowmen inside. There was a head of a snowman on the top of the globe so it made it look like Lee had been devoured. Everytime the different sized snowmen rotated inside they smacked Lee with hard rubber mittens or boots.

"Hey! Waiiittt!" Lee was pushed against the plastic sheet and banged on the loose film.

Kiba and Kankuro hollered out Christmas greetings and ran down entire streets.

0000 Sakura's house 0000

Sakura's eyes welled up for the fifth time. There was no way she could sleep with something so serious as Sasuke's body on her mind.

She hummed a sad Christmas song to herself and then broke out singing the lyrics.

"_Where are you Christmaaasss?  
Why can't I find you?  
Why have you gone awaaayyyy?  
Where is the laughterrr  
You used to bring me?  
Why can't I hear music playyy...?"_

0000 One Street Over 0000

"Wooo! YEAH!" Kiba ran faster cutting across the cold snow covered grass. Kankuro ignored his frozen... feet... and kept running.

0000 Two Streets Over 0000

"NARUTO!" Sasuke launched himself at the blonde but only found it was _another _clone.

0000 Sakura 0000

"_...My world is changing.  
I'm rearranging.  
Does that mean Christmas changes tooo...?"_

0000 20 Meters Away 0000

"C'mon Kankuro! I'll race you to that bar over there!"

0000 30 Meters Away 0000

"You're _DEAD _at practice! You'd _better _run if I catch you, you won't be able to make anymore clones."

0000 Sakura 0000

"_Where are you Christmass?  
Do you remember  
The one you used to know?  
I'm not the same oneee  
See what the time's done.  
Is that why you have let..._ AHH! WHAT?!"

Sakura's eyes widened in shock. The door to the bedroom was thrown open scaring her even more.

"What is it Sakura?!"

"I...I... I thought I just saw Kiba streaking in front of my window!"

Ino rolled her eyes and set the plate down busying herself with arranging the platter, "You're seeing things. If you're gonna have visions of naked guys and are as into Sasuke as you claim to be then why don't you see _him?_"

"But I _saw _him! There's no wa... WAH! INO LOOK!"

"Huh?" Ino looked up but was too late to see Kankuro's naked body flash by. "You're hallucinating."

Sakura spun around. "Am _not! _Why would I lie about guys?!"

"You tell me!"

They bickered on and on about what the other really saw so fiercely they missed Sasuke running by in his underwear after a group of naked Narutos.

0000

And so the late eve turned into Christmas day and there were no other signs of naked guys or foolish drunks. With exception of Lee who remained trapped in his plushy plastic prison.

00000000000

_A/N: _There you have it! Only a day after Christmas, not too shabby! I hope you enjoyed it and be looking out for my next story!

MERRY CHRISTAMS TO ALL! And to all, a good night.


End file.
